3 Love “Bombs” Gleaned From Joker: Folie à Deux

The new Joker: Folie à Deux film may have bombed at the box office (with a dismal Rotten Tomatoes rating), leaving many Batman fans feeling unfulfilled. Yet, within the chaos of this dark narrative, powerful love “truth-bombs” emerge that deserve our attention. Arthur Fleck's traumatic childhood, marked by an absence of affection, ignites a desperate quest for love that resonates deeply. As I left the theater, I felt both heartbroken for Arthur and inspired by the profound lessons embedded in this film.

Truth-Bomb #1: True Love Always Prioritizes Your Well-Being

Lee, a character herself enshrouded in madness, checks herself into Arkham State Hospital, driven by an obsession with the Joker. Yet, she shows no regard for Arthur Fleck as an individual—only his alter ego. When she urges him to stop taking his antipsychotic medications so that the Joker can emerge, Arthur’s chilling reply is, “I already have.” 

This moment underscores a vital truth: it’s dangerous to lose yourself in another person. If you find yourself making unhealthy choices or neglecting your well-being in the name of love, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. True love is about supporting and prioritizing each other’s health, both mental and physical. A partner who truly values you will always encourage you to be your best self, not just a vessel for their desires.

Truth-Bomb #2: People Want You to Be Who They Need You to Be

At our core, we are inherently selfish beings, often viewing the world through a lens that centers on our own desires. While sharing our lives with others is essential, some individuals will go to great lengths to mold you into a version that serves their needs, rather than embracing you as you are. Lee’s fascination with the Joker reveals her desire for him to fulfill her narrative—her story, her fantasies—without genuine regard for Arthur's individuality.

Remember, you are not a supporting actor in someone else’s drama; you are meant to be the star of your own life. It’s crucial to surround yourself with those who appreciate you for your authentic self, not just for what you can provide them. Resist the temptation to change your core values when in a love relationship. In the end, your truth will always emerge and you can save yourself a lot of pain if you recognize when you are being molded to fit another person's life.

Truth-Bomb #3: Infatuation is Not Love

Our brains can play tricks on us, often blurring the lines between infatuation and genuine love. Infatuation is a neuro chemical response, igniting excitement and passion but ultimately lacking the depth of true love. Both Arthur and Lee are caught in a web of infatuation, mistaking their intense feelings for something real, even as it spirals into despair and violence.

Navigating the distinction between infatuation and love requires awareness and honesty. While the heart may yearn for connection, it's essential to recognize that true love transcends fleeting emotions. Authentic love is rooted in understanding, respect, and a commitment to each other's well-being. Take time to step back and analyze how you really feel. Is it really love? If you are quiet enough and listen, your heart will tell you.

In the end, no matter how many personas you present to the world, your true self will inevitably emerge. Joker: Folie à Deux may have left audiences questioning its place as an action hero movie,, but the love lessons within it are powerful reminders of what we must cherish in our own relationships. Let these love “truth-bombs” guide you toward healthier connections and deeper understanding as you navigate your own journey of love. 

As we reflect on the complexities of love portrayed in Joker: Folie à Deux, let's embrace the lessons learned. True love uplifts, honors, and celebrates who we are, rather than molding us into someone else’s fantasy. Remember these truth-bombs as you seek love in your own life, and strive for connections that enrich rather than diminish your spirit.

Why Multitasking is Sabotaging Your Success and Robbing Your Peace: The Truth Every Mom Needs to Hear

Multitasking has long been celebrated as a hallmark of efficiency and success. Growing up, I was conditioned to believe that completing tasks quickly was paramount. My mom frequently reminded me, “Estas en la luna!” (You’re on the moon), expressing her frustration that I wasn’t juggling enough or moving fast enough. This belief—that speed equates to success—shaped my understanding of productivity for years.

The Myth of Multitasking

As children, we often turn mundane chores into imaginative adventures. I was a daydreamer, adding playfulness to every task. Instead of being encouraged, I was seen as distracted and lazy. This narrative is common for many women today, especially mothers. The societal expectation is clear: moms must multitask and excel at managing home and work responsibilities.

From the outside, a multitasking mom may seem to have it all together, but the reality is often quite different. Behind the façade of success lies overwhelm, anxiety, and a disconnection from genuine feelings. Multitasking is not only sabotaging your success but also robbing you of your peace and well-being.

The Science Behind Multitasking

Research shows that multitasking can hinder productivity and reduce overall performance. The brain’s prefrontal cortex, responsible for attention and decision-making, struggles when forced to divide its focus. When engaging in multiple tasks, the left and right sides of the brain work independently, leading to decreased efficiency and an increased likelihood of mistakes. According to the American Psychological Association, multitasking has “switching costs” that negatively impact our cognitive abilities.

Moreover, a meta-analysis by Jeong S-H and Hwang Y. revealed that multitasking diminishes comprehension and attention. It turns out, our brains are not as adept at handling multiple tasks as we might think.

Multitasking Hinders Mindfulness

In addition to reducing productivity, multitasking compromises our mindfulness. Mindfulness involves focusing on the present moment and fully engaging in our current tasks. When we rush through chores, we miss out on the peace that comes from being present.

For instance, the other night, while washing dishes, I found myself frantically thinking about future tasks. Instead of succumbing to that urgency, I paused, took deep breaths, and appreciated the warmth of the water and the luxury of running water—a privilege not everyone enjoys. By slowing down and being mindful, I felt calmer and more centered.

Embrace Mindfulness Over Multitasking

I urge moms everywhere to reconsider their approach to multitasking. It’s challenging, especially when managing young children, but even dedicating just 10% of your time to mindfulness can lead to significant improvements in your well-being. There’s no shame in needing to multitask occasionally, but by intentionally slowing down, you can cultivate a healthier, more peaceful mindset.

Multitasking may seem like the key to success, but it often leads to burnout and anxiety. By embracing mindfulness and focusing on one task at a time, you can reclaim your peace and enhance your overall well-being. Remember, you deserve to slow down and savor each moment.

Beyond Mom Life: 4 Compelling Reasons to Dive Back into Your Hobbies

When I ask women who are mothers of young children or daughters of aging parents, “What are your hobbies?”, the typical response is a long pause followed by, “Hmmm….I used to (fill in the blank) before I had kids.” When I was asked that question at a work lunch I honestly could not think of a single hobby. This made me feel embarrassed and I wondered, what happened to me? 

Yoga class in the park

I was so entrenched in my family and work life that I had completely disconnected from any concept of self and fun. I abandoned all the activities I enjoyed to make sure my children were living their best lives. I was running around after school getting them to music lessons and soccer and gymnastics, but I wasn’t doing anything for myself. Sound familiar?

Before I had children I loved doing yoga. I did a formal yoga class twice a week for years. I had an amazing yoga teacher and I remember loving the world and feeling so much joy during that time. After my first son was born 22 years ago, I did try keeping up with my yoga practice for a bit and transitioned to a baby and mommy class. But, with time that slipped away as the demands of balancing motherhood and a career overwhelmed me. 

I also enjoyed painting many moons ago. I started painting when I was in middle school inspired by the book The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone. It was a Renaissance historical fiction about Michelangelo’s life. I loved this book so much I started painting. I continued painting through my teen years and took a few classes in college. At one point I was in the studio at least 2 hours a day. Today I can’t remember the last time I held a paint brush in my hand.

Why should we reconnect with our hobbies? How will engaging in what may be considered a frivolous activity change my life? How do we redefine an ingrained mindset that makes us feel guilty when we participate in activities that take us away from our children and homes?

REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD RECONNECT WITH YOUR HOBBIES

#1 - Develop Your Identity Outside the Home

Making a plan to participate in a hobby on a regular basis outside the home will develop your identity as a woman, independent from family commitments. This time and space will recharge your emotional batteries. Spending time in community with people who don’t depend on you for anything, will give you a new perspective and help you unplug and be present. This reframe will bring you joy, and when you return home your children will experience a more loving and balanced caretaker. And, your partner will get a happier, more fulfilled spouse.

#2 - You Show People How to Treat You

When you decide to make yourself a priority and participate in a hobby, you are communicating that you matter and that your joy matters. This is so powerful. You’re announcing to your family and friends that you deserve to pursue something that is important to you.  When you do this, your entire life will change because communicating your value will teach people to treat you well. If you set the example, others will follow.

#3 - We Learn Through Play

Through play children understand who they are and learn about the world around them. Being curious and pursuing an activity puts you in a state of exploration. It is during these times that we learn the most about ourselves; what we love, what brings us joy, how we feel. We overcome challenges through play. We access our silly through play. We synthesize information and create new ways of being in the world. We learn how to cooperate and reduce our egos. Play, in the form of a hobby, is not a frivolous pursuit, but a necessary evolution of the self.

#4 - Do As I Do, Not As I Say

Our children are watching our every move and noticing everything we do. Unnerving, yes it is! They hear us tell them what to do and what not to do, but they really learn how to behave by watching how we behave. When you prioritize going out and having fun with a hobby, you are teaching your children that they should also prioritize themselves. Women who have daughters, teach your daughters that it’s necessary to be a person outside the home. Women who have sons, teach them the same so that they will encourage their life partners in the future to take care of themselves too. You can't expect your children to value and show up for themselves if you don’t model this way of living first.

In summary, make a plan today to either rekindle an old hobby or start a new one. If you don’t have any idea what to do, ask other women what they do. You can join a community class through your city. Maybe try a formal cooking class or take a ceramics class. Maybe sign up for a class at your local community college in an area you find interesting. Whatever it is, be curious and explore and keep exploring until you find something that fits. And then make this a weekly ritual. Tell your family that once a week you will be busy and protect this time slot. You Well-Being Matters!

I myself have ventured back into yoga and this is bringing me so much joy. This has made a significant difference in the way I feel, how I show up for myself, and how I am now showing up for the people I love. Give it a try. Pick a hobby and let me know what you’re going to do so I can hold you to it. I also plan on digging out my old paint supplies from the garage some time this weekend. Photo to follow, I promise!