Messy and Worthy

Sunday. I sit in my comfy bed, afraid that getting up will mean facing the long list of chores I’ve ignored all week—laundry to be done, bathrooms to be cleaned, Halloween decorations waiting to be packed away. But what I really want to do is make a cup of coffee and sit outside, enjoying the morning quietly with the birds and trees as my companions.

Almost instantly, I criticize myself for wanting to rest when there’s so much to do and never enough time. I was raised to believe that worth is tied to work, that rest is a luxury for the rich, and that a woman’s value is reflected in the cleanliness of her home. My mom still can’t stand to see a messy house, and living with her again in midlife often feels like a fight between old, unhealthy programming and a newer, more compassionate mindset.

I’m messy. Life is messy. My house is messy. My children are messy. My dogs are messy. Everything around me is messy—and I’m learning to truly be okay with that, not just say that I am. There’s a difference. Being really okay with life’s mess means my body no longer tenses when I see laundry piled on the floor, because I know my worth isn’t tied to external order. It means that when my mom comments on the dog hair drifting across the floor, I take a deep breath and choose not to let those words awaken old feelings of shame and unworthiness.

My messy house isn’t proof of laziness or neglect—it’s evidence that six people live here, and five of us spend our weekdays working and studying outside the home. We pour ourselves out in the world, and when we come home, the mess is simply a reminder that we are living. If I prioritized a spotless, perfect home, I’d have to sacrifice connection—with my husband, my kids, and with myself. There just aren’t enough hours in the day for everything, and I choose connection over perfection.

Our mess is life itself—vibrant, imperfect, full.

So today, I choose rest and restoration over chores and shoulds. I choose joy over judgment. I’ll sip my coffee, feel the November sun on my skin, and let go of old patterns that no longer serve me. I will simply be and I truly hope I inspired you to do the same!